I went to a wonderful university (BYU) and it was such a thrilling and exciting time in my life and I feel I walked away with a new perspective and some knowledge. I, unfortunately, also looked at my eduction with a lot of disappointment. I felt like I graduated in an easy out major; I had tried so many different majors and either didn't get in or didn't believe in myself to even try. In my mind I wasn't creative enough and there were plenty of people more talented than I. I gave up on dreams I had and aspirations I had developed for myself.
In college I started out wanting to study journalism but realized they make nothing (which was important to me at the time). Then I went for the photography program and I was rejected from the program which literally crushed my spirit and my confidence. I left that department devastated and frustrated. I needed a major so I considered advertising but didn't even apply because I was sure I wasn't good enough to get accepted. I essentially gave up and settled on an open enrollment major. I enjoyed the communications classes immensely but I'm not really sure what real life skills I got other than being more globally aware. There were other events that led to the lowest self-esteem I've had ever. It made me wish I would have just gone to some kind of trade school instead of wasting time, losing confidence, and going into debt.
I tried to be a photographer which I really loved but I always felt in the shadow to my sister who really is amazing and honestly being a "real" photographer is hard these days. I can't tell you the amount of people I've heard say, "My uncle has a DSLR so he's going to take my wedding pictures." Which means they didn't have to pay a dime. I also have seen so many stay-at-home moms who need a job and so they decide to be a photographer but haven't received any real training or who really pour themselves into it like I've seen my sister do and what I tried to do. But I still feel like one of those phonys. It's also an expensive hobby when you need a DSLR.
Anyway, my family is struggling at making ends meet and all the insecurities I buried once I graduated are starting to resurface. I don't want to work outside the home but I don't feel creative enough or have the entrepreneur spirit to create some cool product and make it a million dollar company (Ex:Freshly Picked) from my home. I just don't know what to do from here.
Have any other woman felt like this? If so what did you do? I feel so stuck and uninspired.
I guess I just need advice but I would be surprised if anyone makes it through this post. I just need perspective and maybe just writing this and putting it out there will help who knows...
