I went to a wonderful university (BYU) and it was such a thrilling and exciting time in my life and I feel I walked away with a new perspective and some knowledge. I, unfortunately, also looked at my eduction with a lot of disappointment. I felt like I graduated in an easy out major; I had tried so many different majors and either didn't get in or didn't believe in myself to even try. In my mind I wasn't creative enough and there were plenty of people more talented than I. I gave up on dreams I had and aspirations I had developed for myself.
In college I started out wanting to study journalism but realized they make nothing (which was important to me at the time). Then I went for the photography program and I was rejected from the program which literally crushed my spirit and my confidence. I left that department devastated and frustrated. I needed a major so I considered advertising but didn't even apply because I was sure I wasn't good enough to get accepted. I essentially gave up and settled on an open enrollment major. I enjoyed the communications classes immensely but I'm not really sure what real life skills I got other than being more globally aware. There were other events that led to the lowest self-esteem I've had ever. It made me wish I would have just gone to some kind of trade school instead of wasting time, losing confidence, and going into debt.
I tried to be a photographer which I really loved but I always felt in the shadow to my sister who really is amazing and honestly being a "real" photographer is hard these days. I can't tell you the amount of people I've heard say, "My uncle has a DSLR so he's going to take my wedding pictures." Which means they didn't have to pay a dime. I also have seen so many stay-at-home moms who need a job and so they decide to be a photographer but haven't received any real training or who really pour themselves into it like I've seen my sister do and what I tried to do. But I still feel like one of those phonys. It's also an expensive hobby when you need a DSLR.
Anyway, my family is struggling at making ends meet and all the insecurities I buried once I graduated are starting to resurface. I don't want to work outside the home but I don't feel creative enough or have the entrepreneur spirit to create some cool product and make it a million dollar company (Ex:Freshly Picked) from my home. I just don't know what to do from here.
Have any other woman felt like this? If so what did you do? I feel so stuck and uninspired.
I guess I just need advice but I would be surprised if anyone makes it through this post. I just need perspective and maybe just writing this and putting it out there will help who knows...
Hey Brooke! I'm sorry you're having a hard time but I also know how you feel...I've gone through some of the same insecurities and still sometimes struggle with them. I majored in Exercise and Wellness and even got certified as a Health Fitness Professional, which sounds pretty fancy. However, after graduating from BYU I was jobless for a whole summer and kept getting interviews to all these great places but never got any jobs. Desperate for money (and something to do), I finally settled for a minimum pay at Walgreens. :( It was a job, which was nice, but I could tell I was so prideful and bitter that a college grad was working at such a basic un-special, low-paying job.
ReplyDeleteSince then I have had slightly better jobs but nothing that has used my degree. A lot of times I feel like I wasted my time and money going into needless debt and getting a degree for nothing. I could always be a personal trainer or something but that's where I lack confidence in myself considerably. It is a struggle. On top of things (and on a happier note!) I am pregnant and due in December with a girl! The company I worked for just laid off everyone and moved to Texas (it was a sketchy company!) so now I have no job and still 4 months before the baby is here.
These things happen but just remember how much you have grown from being in college. I try to look at it this way-- who knows if I will ever "use" my degree to earn money, but I would NEVER change it. Going to college alone has taught me so much about life, responsibility, relationships, etc. I am definitely a better person for getting that education. You set a good example for your girl by pursuing your education! You learned things that you can teach to your children.
As for the money part, I am currently looking for work-from-home jobs until I can figure something out. I also wish I had more of an entrepreneurial spirit to start my own fitness club or wellness coaching or whatever. Look at Mommyjobsonline.com...maybe you can find something for the time being to help with your family finances. But just remember, you are not alone. I'm sure you and I are not unique in our struggles and insecurities. :)
I hope this helped and I'm so sorry it is so lengthy! Good luck and don't forget to pray! :)
My sister-in-law works in the child care at a local YMCA a few days a week. She gets to bring her little girl with her.
ReplyDeleteCome to think of it, you could teach piano!
Or coach volleyball?
You can do it, Brooke!!!!!!